Storytime: My Inner Life; the Bonding, part 1

Since I've left out on Storytimes so many times now, I'll make up for it by giving you another two-parter, AND WHAT A TWO PARTER IT IS!

This atrocity I'll introduce you to today is a Mary-Sue fic of epic proportions; My Inner Life.

If you haven't heard about it before, then you have really missed out on something.

My Inner Life was written in the early days. I'm not sure exactly when though, start of 2000 or something perhaps. Written by Jenna, this is the lucid dreams of her and Link, from The Legend of Zelda, written down for the rest of the world to suffer through.

Yes. They're real dreams, according to Jenna. Lucid dreams on top of it all! Someone ACTUALLY WANTED to dream all this! That's the most DISTURBING thing in the world!

This fuckfic is WAY too long for me to run here on the Captains log, so I've picked out the best/most depraving part of it: The Bonding.

Lemme fill you in the story so far:

Jenna is a merchant travelling around the world, selling her crap. She returns to Hyrule during the Sping festival, oh and her best friend is Princess Zelda and Zeldas father seems to love Jenna more than his own daughter, where she meets the Hero of Time: Link. They fall in love, have some tiger-sex and she decides to abandon her duties as a merchant and marry the Hero of Time. After being married for a while they decide to take their relationship to a new level of faggotry: participate in a Pagan Bonding Ritual.

And remember: these are the depraved lucid dreams of a psychotic girl with the hots for a videogame protagonist. Sure, I can understand her, LINK IS A FUCKING HUNK!

But c'mon... Really?

My Inner Life, the Bonding, by ”Links Queen” Jen

Round 1

The Bonding(4)

         A week later we mounted our horses and headed for the Monastery. It took quite some time to reach it, since when we arrived at Gerudo Village, the Gerudo's insisted on us stopping to chat. (Those fucking blabberhead bitches!)

We had an afternoon meal there then resumed our way towards the Monastery. After another short ride, we arrived at the Monastery. When we reached the gate a group of monks was there to greet us. After we dismounted a monk came and took our horses to the stable. I had no idea they were expecting us, but Link told me later that he had set it up a few days before.

(He sent 'em an email, explaining that him and his demented wife wanted a reason to drink each others... Oops, nearly avoided spoilers!)

We were taken inside to a chamber where the head of the Monastery was waiting for us. First we were asked a few questions, then he explained the steps of the ceremony to us. Then he had two monks bring a bowl with an oily liquid in it. The head monk took his thumb, dipped it in the liquid, and smeared it on our foreheads while he chanted.

(Rafiki, go home! You're drunk! She's not the lion king!)

Then he said that the ceremony was to be preformed outside but that it was to be preformed in the nude.

(”And if you don't mind, were going to have to tape the process... For scientific reasons!”)

         He explained that their beliefs were, everything is born from the Earth, and when you die you go back to the Earth. And since the ceremony was to be preformed under the witness of Mother Earth we had to remove our clothes. I shot Link a worried look, but he gave me a reassuring smile and that made me feel better. After we removed our clothes, we were led to a beautiful garden with an oak tree in the middle

(Why is there a tree in Gerudo? That place is like, dryer than a feminists cunt!... Oh nevermind...)

I felt a wave of calm as we walked further into the garden. We were led to the oak tree and told to kneel down in front of each other. After we knelt down facing each other, the head monk said he would explain each step of the rituals as we went. First two goblets were brought to us with liquid in them. Next one of the monks brought a Ruby hilted Dagger and handed it to Link. Then the head monk explained to us that we each had to cut our palms and drop some blood into the goblets in front if us.

(So far it seems harmless... Right?)

An uneasy feeling washed over me. Cutting my hand was not one thing I wanted to do, but Link shot me a comforting glance and I started to calm about it. The monk explained why cutting our palms was necessary, then I watched as Link took the tip of the dagger and slit the palm of his lift hand.

          Link then clenched his hand into a fist and the blood slowly dripped into the goblet in front of him. Then Link handed the dagger me. I felt a little scared as I held the dagger in my hand. When I looked back up at Link, he reassured me it was ok. "It's ok honey, it will only hurt for a second." "You'll be ok my love, I'm here with you."

(I fucking HATE the way she writes dialouge! She put quoation marks after EVERY goddamn sentence!

AAAAAH!)

I looked into his eyes and a glint of comfort shone in them. I nodded and then took the dagger and placed the tip of it against the palm of my left hand.

         I closed me eyes and I made a wince as the dagger cut my palm. As I looked down at my hand I saw blood seeping out of the wound. Then I clenched my hand into a fist and let the blood drip into the goblet in front of me. After I did that one of the monks took the dagger from me. Next we were told to exchange the goblets and drink from them

(Hey! Considering what's coming, this is pretty normal!)

Then Link and I exchanged the goblets. Link took a drink from his first then I took a drink from mine. The strange liquid in the goblets, made me feel different.......made me feel connected to Link.

(Eh, care to express yourself further?)

The monk then told us to take our hands with the wounds on them and clasp them together. As our hands bonded our blood meshed together, and a connection between us was felt. I started to feel a little closer to him. Started to feel like he was inside me.

I closed me eyes and I heard Link's voice inside my ears, inside my mind, but only faintly. I reached out for him, but nothing was there. I then opened my eyes again.

         Next the head monk explained that to strengthen the bond further we had to drink each other's body fluids.

(Like I said...)

My eyes widened and jaw dropped, at the thought of that. But we were reassured that it was perfectly harmless. I looked at Link and he nodded in agreement. He placed his hand on mine and a wash of comfort ran over me. I nodded that I was ready and we were handed two small cups and told we had to urinate in it. 

(Someone had a lucid dream about this... I just wanted to remind you...)

         It was hard to do what was requested, but as I did what I had to do a small feeling of uneasiness tingled inside me. When I sat back down, Link had already finished and placed his cup down in front of him. I then placed mine down in front of me and waited for what to do next. The head monk said a few words then we were told to exchange the cups and drink from them. Link went first and I watched as his face twisted slightly as he drank from the cup. 

(Oh God...)

Then I took my cup, slowly lifted it to my lips, and crinkled my nose as I drank from it. A sour taste was left behind after I finished. Next we were told to close our eyes and hold hands. The monk began to chant in an unknown tongue. As he chanted I felt a presence around me. Something like a spirit, but I was not quite sure. A warm feeling filled inside me, like being next to a fire. And I felt at peace......felt a calm......Then I could feel Link again.......felt his body against mine, even though our hands were the only things touching.

(She just drank Links pee.

She pee Links drank.

 I want you to think about this for a while: JENNA DECIDED THAT SHE WANTED TO DREAM ABOUT HER MARY-SUE-SELF DRINKING LINKS PISS! IF THIS ISN'T A SILENT CRY FOR HELP, THEN I DON'T KNOW WHAT IS!

She just drank Links pee.

Links motherfuking piss.

This guys pee is now traveling down to her own bladder to hit on her pee.

And they will have little piss-babies and then she have to REALLY fucking go to the bathroom!

She fucking drank Links fucking piss, like some female version of Bear Grylls)

         The feeling made me feel happy inside, made me feel closer to him.

(BZZT! Wrong response to drinking someone else's piss!)

.......I hoped that the feeling would never end. I opened my eyes and the monk had stopped chanting and he then explained that there were four more separate bonding rituals

(Four more bullshit-sessions).

Each to bond us together in every aspect of our being. They were: Mentally, spiritually, physically and sexually. Completing each would bond us together in an unbreakable bond. When we were ready we nodded and were told what the first ritual was.

(You thought it was over? AHAHAHA No.)

The Mental Bonding

         After the rules were explained, we took each other's hands and held them. When the head monk begun to chant we closed our eyes. I began to feel the warm feeling inside me again. This time it was more intense. Then my mind was cleared of all thoughts, and I was left in total emptiness, like being in a void. There was nothing but quiet, then the silence was broken by a distant voice. As the voice came closer I could tell that it was Link's. Link was inside my mind, calling out to me. I reached for him, called out to him, tried to find him. As he called to me again, his voice ringed through my mind. His voice vibrated through my body, inside my bones. His voice made me feel warm, made me feel secure. I did not feel alone. He was there with me. Hearing his voice inside my mind made me feel closer to him. I felt as if our minds were connected. I felt as if were one. As I searched for him, his voice seemed like a flame. I felt it's warmth, then saw it's light. I reached for it, called to it, watched as the flame danced, Link's voice ran inside it. I moved inside the emptiness, tried to reach for the flame, tried to reach for Link, but no matter how hard I tried I could not reach him. Then the flame flicked out and Link's voice became distant again until all there was but silence. The void closed around me and I came back. I opened my eyes and looked at Link. He was just as wide eyed as me. Then I smiled at him, before returning attention to the monk. He looked at us and told us the mental bonding was complete.

(… Dude, what was in that piss?)

The Physical Bonding

         The head monk told us the rules for the Physical Bonding. First we had to put our wrists together and hold them up together in front of us. Then two monks came with rope and tied our wrists together. A bowl with a white smoke rising from it was put down in front of us. We were told to inch closer to the bowl and to close our eyes again. The void opened up inside me again, and the warm feeling ran through my bones. I felt Link again, inside my mind and inside my body.

I heard his voice calling, felt his body against mine. Felt his heart beating. So warm....so calming....I reached for him, tried to touch him, then the void was shattered when I heard Link scream. I twisted in pain as he screamed inside my mind. My mind felt like it was on fire, my body felt like hot needles were being poked in. As Link twisted in pain I felt everything he was feeling. He screamed for me to help, but I was helpless.

(PLEASE TELL ME HE'S DYING! POOR BASTARD! HE NEVER DID ANYTHING TO DESERVE THIS!!)

       My body felt his heart beating faster, felt him twist in pain. I screamed as his voice ringed loudly through my mind. My head felt like it was being crushed as the intense pain raged threw me. I wanted it all to end, wanted the pain to go away. Since of the connection that was bonding us together all pain that one feels, the other feels the same at the same time. As the pain intensified, my heart began to beat faster, my pulse raced, and my body twisted and screamed as the shattering screams and pure pain raged threw my every vein. Then I opened my eyes and stared at Link with unblinking eyes as I watched him twisting in pain as he felt everything I was feeling. My wrists twisted as Link and I moved around. I screamed louder, wanted it all to cease, prayed it would end, then all of the sudden the void broke and the pain ceased. Then I felt the warm run through me again. Link's heart slowed its beat and his voice ran softly through my mind. Link touched my soul, and I felt a calming feeling come over me again. As the flame rose in my mind again, a rose bloomed in my soul. Link's voice called from the flame and his touch came from the rose. I tried to reach for the flame, tried to touch the rose, but the closer I got the further away they became. 

(Seriously, that was one of the weirdest things I've ever read... And I've read A LOT!)

       Then the feeling changed. A pleasurable feeling started to surrounded me, and it rushed through my body like a raging river. I felt hot inside.... It felt erotic.....felt good. Then I could feel Link's touch. It felt like he was inside me.

It felt like our bodies merged. Then the feeling grew stronger, grew more intense, and it became like a sexual feeling. It felt like having sex......I felt a stronger connection with Link.....felt as if we were connected.....felt as if we were one. Felt as if we merged........Then the void shattered around me and I awoke. 

(Oh Cheezus lord christ, the Mary-Sue level is OVER 9000!!)

       I blinked in the sunlight and looked at Link. He was whipping the sweat from his brow. We were coming around from our strange experience, but we regained our senses quickly. My wrists hurt from all of the twisting. I moved them around against his to get them comfortable. Then I turned to the head monk. He lowered his hands and clapped. The two monks came and removed the rope from around our wrists and took the bowl away. I rubbed my wrists to sooth the pain. He then placed a hand on my head and one on Link's. After about a minuet, we were told the physical bonding was complete.

Am I the only one who has NO FUCKING CLUE WHAT'S GOING ON?!

Alright, maybe some clues, BUT WHY IS THIS NECESSARY?! WHY DO THEY HAVE TO DO THIS?!

Everything is soo... intricate, evolved, well planned, grammatically chaotic... AAAARRRRGHHH IT HURTS! IT HUUUUURTS!

This evil tale of malice will be continued in a few days... Unless I die from alcohol poisoning first!

ARGH!